Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I am reading.

I was a novel junkie all through high school. All the Heartsong's, Harlequin's, Steele's, Brown's, Roberts', Rowling's etc never passed my shadow. You could have caught me reading a novel at 3am because it was not yet my turn to read it. But I would read it overnight and return it to whoever was reading it in the morning. I perfected my reading-cum-skimming and became a novel connector(story for another day). Sometimes, I was consulted as a "dictionary" because I somehow got to use unusual words from the novels I read casually and I must add, not intentionally. You get the picture right. In all of that my novel ish, I was a science student to the core.

I am far from that reading zeal in my present college scene. I have not read a novel leisurely in the last 9mths apart from "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown that I read last winter break. I feel like I am slacking and losing my freelance reading appeal. I borrowed "Half of a Yellow Sun" by Adichie from the library today. I feel smh for not reading this book yet cos most Nigerians hype it and blah! I read her other book the "Purple Hibiscus" compulsorily for a class last semester.

I dunno why but the library collates the books by the countries of origins of the authors. At least, I found a bunch of Nigerian somewhere together. To cut the long story short, I also got Emecheta's "The Moonlight Bride" and some other book(I can't reach it or remember it's name). Hopefully, I will be done reading by the end of summer or before my internship gets intense.

My type of novels are those mushy mushy or suspense-filled ones but I want to read my own stuff. By my own, I mean books in Nigerian settings.

PS: If you know any book, preferably by but not limited to Nigerian writers, suggest.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

BET Awards '09.

BET made me proud with the Awards. I seldomly watch the channel but these comments came up when I watched the Awards ceremony.

T-pain! really! Isn't that ur "BIG-ASS-CHAIN" a little inconvenient for u to wear and for us to see.

Jamie Foxx was yummy and his voice, dayumm! but I was kinda looking forward to another "Halle Berry session" **wink**

I want Estelle, scratch! I want her skin, beautifully chocolatey.

Beyonce, "hot" defines her but not her performance tonight. That her angel-like dressup during her perfomance didn't do it pour moi.

I appreciate the 20 seconds that Jamie gave those ladies in the audience. oh, I see that guy tryna sell his cd.

Omg! One of the Ojay brothers, the Lifetime Achievement Award recipients, said "there was snow, pple were dancing and shit!" (u get?) He swore but that's BET for u. Another Ojay brother was digging his ears with his finger when his folks were giving shoutouts for the award. That guy must have been absent minded.

Can someone agree with me that Amber Rose is a hot shenagan(my word for chikala)?

This may come off as sentimental but I don't think Joe Jackson(MJ's father) should be at an awards ceremony 3 days after his son's death. Maybe, he is just repping the Jackson fam.

There were lil girls on stage when Weezy was performing. And clearly the performers were uttering swear words cos the audio was constantly bleeped. common!

And the commercials! Don't tell me Tiny and Toya are creating their own TV show. That's expectedly hilarious.
Can Sprint stop coming up with unrealistic ads? Who throws money away? I don't like the metaphorical ish.

In short, BET Awards had me cracking up.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Transformers! (the movie/film)

I usually try to see the recent movies. Tonight, I decided to watch Transformers 1 with my dormmates because my school was gonna a sponsor the seeing of Transformer 2 at the theatre tomorrow.

I really wanted to see the pt 2 but decided to watch the pt 1 cos I have not watched the latter before. It was a disappointment. I know the film's genre is sci-fi and all tech but I just did not feel the pt 1, which I just watched. why?

  • I paid full attention to "follow" the film
  • The film was all unrealistically robot-ish. i know robots are not real but these ones didnt appeal to me despite their size and ability to transform. maybe there were just too many robots
  • The film's audio discomforted me, it had sudden increases in volume and sorta gave me ear/head aches. i cant even imagine how loud the theatre's speakers wud be tomorrow
  • The storyline was to save the world, an intention that left me with questions(why?)
  • I constantly dozed off during the last 20 mins

if the pt1 turned out like that, I don't wanna bother myself to go watch the pt2 tomorrow, even if it's for free.

scifi is not my fave genre but still the hype for the pt2 has gone from mountain to valley. I dunno what pple will think of the pt 2 but I am using pt 1 to pre-judge.

PS: Micheal Jackson kicked the bucket. If you don't know yet, infact I don't want to believe someone hasn't heard yet. Any way, life is pleasant, death is peaceful, it is the transition that is painful. may his soul RIP

It's kinda interesting that some pple are now paying attention to MJ's songs after his death, I may be guilty.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

damn AT & T!

I wanted to blog about my own opinion on Abati's article but the issue seems sufficiently criticised and my mood is not so wa pa.

So, I use a HTC Tilt that I got from AT&T last yr. It came with warranty cos it was brand new. Some mths ago, the external mic started to malfunction and I got a replacement fone 2 wks ago. I was even celebrating the advantages of getting a fone w/ warranty. Today, I received my old fone back with a ridiculous bill cos my old fone, the one I sent back, has a damaged faceplate. I mean it's just a little strip of the faceplate that is chopped off.

That's even btw, I can't even come to accept the ridiculous bill, which is more than what the brand new fone costs, all becos of some damn! terms and conditions.

I think I need to reignite my naija no-gree skills.

what do I do with two fones and a financially-inconvenient bill? fml.

I have been reading ish on fmylife.com to make my self better for like 1 hr.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Two generations? no! The old critic versus the young saviour.

This is to all Nigerians, especially those abroad because you may not have heard/read this.
Reuben Abati is the chairman of the editorial board of Guardian Newspapers and Banky W is a singer. I really like the latter's video.

Back to my agenda of this post, which is going to be long but worth read. Let me even tell you that I omitted some enlongated explanations but I didn't cut out the details. Take your time to read these articles, which are controversial yet contain a sense of humor, intelligence and respect.

A Nation's Identity Crisis(click for full version)
By Reuben Abati

You may not have noticed it: Nigeria is suffering from an identity crisis imposed on it in part by an emergent generation of irreverent and creative young Nigerians who are revising old norms and patterns. And for me nothing demonstrates this more frontally than the gradual change of the name of the country. When Flora Shaw, Lord Lugard's consort came up with the name, Nigeria in 1914, she meant to define the new country by the strategic importance of the Niger River. And indeed, River Niger used to be as important to this country as the Nile was/is to Egypt. We grew up as school children imagining stories about how Lugard in one special romantic moment, asked his mistress to have the honour of naming a new country in Africa. Something like: "Hello, sweetheart, what name would you rather give the new country that I am creating?"

"Let me give it a thought? ....Awright, how about Ni-ge-ria darling?"

"That would do. That would do. How thoughtful, my fair lady? You are forever so dependable"

And the name stuck and it has become our history and identity. But these days, the name Nigeria is gradually being replaced by so many variants, that I am afraid a new set of Nigerians may in the immediate future not even know the correct spelling of the name of their country. For these Nigerians whose lives revolve mostly around the internet and the blogosphere, the name Nigeria has been thrown out of the window. Our dear country is now "naija" or "nija". What happened to the "-eria" that Ms Shaw must have thoughtfully included? The new referents for Nigeria are now creeping into writings, conversations, and internet discourse. I am beaten flat by the increasing re-writing of the country's name not only as naija or nija, but consider this: "9ja". Or this other name for Nigeria: "gidi". There is even a television programme that is titled "Nigerzie". In addiiton, Etisalat, a telecom company has since adopted a marketing platform that is titled: "0809ja." Such mainstreaming of these new labels is alarming.

This obviously is the age of abbreviations. The emerging young generation lacks the discipline or the patience to write complete sentences or think through a subject to its logical end. It is a generation in a hurry, it feels the constraints of space so much, it has to reduce everything to manageable, cryptic forms. This is what the e-mail and text message culture has done to the popular consciousness. Older generations of Nigerians brought up on a culture of correctness and compeleteness may never get used to the re-writing of Nigeria as "9ja". Language is mutatory, but referring to the motherland or the fatherland in slang terms may point to a certain meaninglessness or alienation. What's in a name? In Africa, names are utilitarian constructs not merely labels. Even among the Ijaw where people bear such unique names as University, Conference, Bicycle, Internet - there is a much deeper sense to the names. But the name Nigeria means nothing to many young Nigerians. They have no reason to respect the sanctity of the name. They don't know Flora Shaw or Lord Lugard, and even if they do, they are likely to say as Ogaga Ifowodo does in an unforgettable poem: "God Punish you, Lord Lugard." Eedris Abdulakarim summarises the concern of young Nigerians in one of his songs when he declared: "Nigeria jagajaga, everything scata, scata"

The post-modernist, deconstructive temper of emergent youth culture is even more manifest in the cynical stripping to the bones character of today's Nigerian hip-hop. It is marked by a Grunge character that shouts: non-meaning and alienation. On my way to Rutam House the other day, I listened at mid-day to a continuous stream of old musical numbers from 93.7 Radio FM. Soulful, meaningful tunes of Felix Lebarty, Chris Okotie (as he then was), Mandy Ojugbana, Christy Essien-Igbokwe, Bongos Ikwue, Veno Marioghae, Uche Ibeto, Dora Ifudu, Mike Okri, Dizzy K. Falola, and Tina Onwudiwe. Onyeka Onwenu sang; "One love, keep us together". Veno Marioghae sang: "Nigeria Go Survive". Even in the romantic offerings like Chris Okotie's "I need someone, give me your love", or Felix Lebarty's "Ifeoma, Ifeoma, I want to marry you, give me your love" and Stella Monye's "Oko mi ye, duro ti mi o", or Tina Onwudiwe's award-winning "Asiko lo laye". there was so much meaning and polish.

This was in the 80s. That generation which sang music under its real names, not abbreviations or slangs, was continuing, after the fashion of T.S. Eliot's description of "Tradition and the Individual Talent", a pattern of meaning that dates back to traditional African musicians and all the musicians that succeeded them: S. B. Bakare, Victor Olaiya, Fela Anikulapo-Kuti, Sunny Ade, Ebenezer Obey, Dan Maraya of Jos, Osita Osadebey, Ayinla Omowura, Victor Uwaifo, Tunji Oyelana, Bobby Benson, Tunde Nightingale, and even the later ones: Shina Peters, KWAM I (Arabambi 1 and please include his disciples- Wasiu Alabi Pasuma et al), Oliver de Coque (Importer and Exporter...), Ayefele, Atorise .... But there has been a terrible crisis in the construction of music. The children, grandchildren and great grandchildren of these ancestors have changed the face and identity of Nigerian music. As a rule, gospel musicians, given the nature of their form, sing meaningful lyrics, but the airwaves these days have been taken over by the children of "gidi","naija", "nija", "nigerzie" and "9ja". I listen to them too, but everyday, I struggle to make meaning out of their lyrics.

Music is about sense, sound, shape and skills. But there is an on-going deficit in all other aspects except sound. So much sound is being produced in Nigeria, but there is very little sense, shape and skills. They call it hip-hop. They try to imitate Western hip pop stars. They even dress like them. The boys don't wear trousers on their waists: the new thing is called "sagging", somewhere below the waist it looks as if the trouser is about to fall off. The women are struggling to expose strategic flesh as Janet Jackson once did. The boys and the girls are cloaked in outlandish jewellery and their prime heroes are Ja-Rule, Lil'Wayne, Fat Joe, P. Diddy, 50 Cents, Birdman, Busta Rhymes, Cassidy, Chamillionaire, Soulja Boy, Young Joc, Kanye West, R. Kelly, Kevin Rudolph, T.I.P-king of the South, Ludacris, Plies-The real goon, Well, God Almighty, we are in your hands.

And so the most impactful musicians in Nigeria today, the ones who rule the party include the following: D'Banj, MI, Mode Nine, Sauce kid, Naeto C, Sasha, Ikechukwu, 9ice, Bouqui, Mo'cheddah, Teeto, P-square, Don-jazzy, Wande Coal, 2-face, Faze, Black Face, Dr. Sid, D'prince, K-Switch, Timaya, Dj-Zeez, Dj Neptune, Banky w., Big bamo, Art quake, Bigiano, Durella, Eldee, Kelly Hansome, Well, the Lord is God. These are Nigerian children who were given proper names by their parents. Ikechukwu bears his real name. But who are these other ones who have since abandoned their proper names? For example, 9ice's real name is Abolore Akande, (what a fine name!), Tu face (Innocent Idibia), Sauce Kid (Babalola Falemi), D'Banj (Dapo Oyebanjo), Banky w. (Bankole Willington), P-Square (Peter and Paul), MI (Jude Abaga), Timaya (Enetimi Alfred Odom), Sasha (Yetunde Alabi), Weird MC (Adesola Idowu). But why such strange names? They don't sing. They rap. Most of them don't play instruments, they use synthetic piano.

At public functions, they mime. They are not artists, they perform. They are not necessarily composers, they dance. The more terrible ones can't even sing a correct musical note. They talk. And they are all businessmen and women. They are more interested in commerce and self-advertisement, name recognition, brand extension and memory recall! They want a name that sells, not some culturally conditioned name that is tied down to culture and geography. But the strange thing is that they are so successful. Nollywood has projected Nigeria, the next big revelations are in hip hop.

Despite the identity crisis and the moral turpitude that we find in Nigeria's contemporary hip-hop, the truth is that it is a brand of music that sells. Nigeria's hip hop is bringing the country so much international recognition. All those strange names are household names across the African continent, so real is this that the phrase "collabo" is now part of the vocabulary of the new art. It speaks to an extension of frontiers. In Nigeria, it is now possible to hold a party without playing a single foreign musical track, the great grand children of Nigerian music are belting out purely danceable sounds which excites the young at heart. But the output belongs majorly to the age of meaningless and prurience. The lyrics says it all.

Rooftop MC sings for example: "Ori mi wu o, e lagi mo". This is a very popular song. But all it says is: "my head is swollen, please hit it with a log of wood." But let's go to Naeto C: "kini big deal, kini big deal, sebi sebi we're on fire", or D'Banj: " my sweet potato, I wanna make you wife, I wanna make you my wife o, see I no understand o, cause I dey see well well, but dey say love is blind, see I never thought I will find someone like you that will capture my heart and there will be nothing I can do....". Yes, we are in the age of sweet potato. And so Art quake sings: "E be like fire dey burn my body, e je ki n fera, oru lo n mu mi. Open your hand like say you wan fly away. Ju pa, ju se, ka jo ma sere, alanta, alanta."

Most of the music being produced now will not be listenable in another five years and this perhaps is the certain fate of commercial art that is driven by branding, show and cash. But we should be grateful all the same for the music, coming out of Nigeria also at this time in the soul, gospel, hip, hop genre: the music that is of Femi Anikulapo-Kuti, Lagbaja, Asa (there is fire on the mountain/and no one seems to be on the run/ there is fire on the mountain now..."), Ara, Sam Okposo, Dare, Sunny Neji, Infinity (now a broken up team), African China, Alariwo of Afrika.... We suffer nonetheless in music as in the national nomenclature, an identity crisis. A country's character is indexed into its arts and culture, eternal purveyors of tones and modes. Nigerian youths now sing of broken heads, raw sex, uselessness and raw, aspirational emotionalism. A sign of the times? Yes, I guess.

I find further justification in the national anthem, many versions of which now exist. I grew up in this same country knowing only one way of singing the national anthem: from "Nigeria we hail thee" to "Arise o Compatriots". The singing of the national anthem is supposed to be a solemn moment. Arms clasped by the side, a straight posture, and the mind strictly focussed on the ideals of patriotism and nationalism. Stillness. Nobody moves. And the national song is rendered in an unchanging format. But not so any longer. There are so many versions of the Nigerian national anthem these days. Same lyrics but different musical rhythms. I have heard the national anthem sung in juju, in fuji, in hip hop, in Ishan's igbagbolemini, in acapella mode, even reggae. I attended an ocassion once, the rendition of the national music was so enthralling, people started dancing. Even the photographers and cameramen danced with their cameras. For me that was the ultimate expression of the people's cynicism. The prevalent mood is as expressed by Dj-Zeez: "ori e 4 ka sibe, 4 ka sibe": an epigrammatic, onomatopoeic, market-driven diminution of language as vehicle and sign. What kind of people are we? A dancing nation? Dancing and writing away our frustrations and caring little about sense, in this country that is now known as "naija", "nija", "9ja", "nigerzie," "gidi"?

Banky W responded to this article:

My response to the recent Guardian Newspaper Article by Mr Reuben Abati(click here full version)

This is my response to the article entitled "A Nation's Identity Crisis" that recently ran in The Guardian Newspapers. It was written by Mr Reuben Abati. As Mr Abati has stated his opinion, I felt it neccessary to state mine. If anything I'm sure both pieces are at least food for thought.

Dear Sir,

In the immortal words attributed to P.T. Barnum, "I don't care what the newspapers say about me, at least spell my name right." My name IS Banky W, full name being Olubankole Wellington. Not Willington, as you stated in your article entitled "A Nation's Identity Crisis". I read the piece repeatedly, and found that misspelling my name wasn’t the only error. At it's worst, the article seemed like an attempt to discredit and slander an entire generation of artistes and consumers, and at best it came across as having some valid points but being grossly misinformed, prejudiced, and hypocritical; definitely not what we would expect of a highly regarded publication as The Guardian, or from a person in Mr Abati's position.

In the very least, the article warrants a well-informed response. I have little doubt in my mind that it will generate a slew of responses, positive and negative, and as one of the many subjects that was mentioned in the write-up, I feel compelled to voice my opinion (with all due respect) on some of the issues that were raised in your piece. What I'm going to attempt to do is to directly address issues that stood out and resonated most with me.

The writer asked "What's in a name?" and went on to honor a "...generation which sang music under its real names, not abbreviations or slangs"; this would have been a valid point if he had not himself mentioned Greats like King Sunny Ade (real name: Sunday Adeniyi), I.K. Dairo (Isaiah Kehinde Dairo), and Ebenezer Obey (Real name: Ebenezer Remilekun Aremu Olasupo Fabiyi- Wow!!!). We could also point out other legends like Ras Kimono and Majek Fashek as others who, for creative or other reasons, saw it fit to have stage names that happen to differ from what's on their passports. Shortening of full names and/or the crafting of stage names is not something new from our generation of artistes that "lack the discipline or the patience to write complete sentences" as you said; rather, it's the creative right of an artiste to go by whatever moniker he sees fit. And if we want to talk about the names of today, we can highlight a few: Eldee - actually L.D. which stands for Lanre Dabiri, similar to Isaiah Kehinde Dairo's transition to I.K. Dairo. Naeto C and Banky W are simply short forms of their full names. In my case, my father's nickname among his friends is actually Banky as well.

Furthermore, on the topic of Names and abbreviations let's set a few things straight. Nigerzie is actually spelt Nigezie and is not an abbreviation for Nigeria. It's a TV Show, much like Soundcity or Hip TV, except they choose to incorporate "representing Nigeria" in their name. It's like the "United Colors of Bennetton", or DKNY, both companies that choose to represent their locations or origins in their name. Also, for the record, Gidi doesn't mean Nigeria either. It's a term for Lagos... coined from "Las Gidi". And as far as the popular term "Naija" goes, who remembers Shina Peters singing "♫ Naija lo wa yi o o o, wa jo, afro juju lo gb'ode ♫" I hate to point out that our generation did not come up with that term... the "golden age" that you long for did.

As an editorial head of a National Newspaper, you owe it to your public to at least do proper and accurate research before printing an article. The risk in not doing so, is you might unknowingly mislead your readers, and you might actually come across as being ignorant or out of touch. A quick look at all the reference names of artistes and songs mentioned in the article goes to show that the author was sadly way off base in his accusations and examples. For instance, to make a point on how today’s Nigerian artistes lyrics are meaningless and prurient, he referenced the Rooftop MC's song "La Gi Mo". What he failed to realize or crosscheck, is that the said song is probably one of the most meaningful and important songs that have been released in the last few years on the Nigerian Music Scene.

I have to disagree with the author's views. We are not all one and the same, but we ARE artistes. We may sing, rap, dance, mime, perform, play instruments or whatever else; but we are artistes. And Composers. And musicians. We may not all play the piano or the guitar, but neither does Michael Jackson, arguably the world's greatest artiste/entertainer. That's why he teamed up with producer Quincy Jones to create some of the best music anyone had ever heard. We have our own producers that have shaped Nigerian sound...people like Cobhams Asuquo, Don Jazzy, I.D. Cabasa, Dr Frabz, Tee-Y mix, Eldee, Terry G etc. That list goes on. These music minds are no less credible than those of Mr Abati's time, like the great Laolu Akins.

Far be it from us to claim that we are perfect and flawless in our art... we know that we are still growing and have lots of areas to improve, but the truth of the matter is we have worked very hard to create the industry we have now, and some people choose to criticize and lambaste most of us, instead of helping and teaching us. That is unfair. Yes, some artistes sag their jeans... however, a glance at the pages of THISDAY style or the recently concluded awards shows will show you very clearly that others wear three-piece suits and traditional attires just as proudly, myself included. This music industry that you have very clearly disapproved of has partnered with and given rise to the fashion industry in Nigeria as well. Just ask Designers like Mai, Babs Familusi (Exclamations Couture), the Okunorens, Muyiwa Osindero and countless others. Everything from the t-shirts and jeans rappers wear, to the shoes and suits are made by young Nigerians, where in previous years people preferred to shop in London.

Our country has not yet given us steady electricity, adequate education, safety from armed robbers or standard healthcare, yet artistes have risen like the Roses that grow from Concrete... and these very artistes love and represent their country proudly on a global stage. This music industry has given hope, jobs and income to countless youth of today. We are Rappers, Singers, Producers, Sound Engineers, Managers, Promoters, Marketing Consultants, Record Label Owners and we will not apologize for making the best of our circumstances; and all this in spite of the fact that we have Marketers that exploit but refuse to pay for our Musical pieces, Royalties and Publishing income that hitherto has been non-existent, a Government that is just now very slowly starting to enforce anti-piracy laws, and Event Organizers that would rather pay 50 Cent One Million US Dollars than give D'banj or P-Square 5 Million Naira.

You were right on some counts. We ARE businessmen and women, and we ARE interested in extending name recognition and brand extension. You were also right in that we look up to people like Jay-Z, who took their music and created multimillion-dollar empires. Since when did ambition and desire to succeed against all odds count against a person’s moral character? Shouldn’t we be encouraged to pay more attention to the business side of “Show Business”? Shouldn’t we want this music industry to provide for our future and the futures of our children?

We know we have a moral responsibility when it comes to our Creative works. Some of us pay more attention to it than others, and there is lots of ground to cover up. But how about a little appreciation and help, instead of trying to tear us down and discredit us? Time will tell whose music will last and become evergreen, but it is not in anyone's place to judge; and for the record, can we just accept that fact that hip hop music is an artform that is probably here to stay... I mean for goodness sake the Grammy's has!! Instead of fighting the change, we should learn to embrace it. I thank God for people like the great Adewale Ayuba that have reached across to our generation to collaborate with, bridge the gap, and help us improve.

We want to learn but your generation has to teach. We want to read but the Government must provide libraries. We want to go to school but the lecturers keep going on strike. We want to travel but previous generations messed up so they won’t give out visas. Most of prefer having our own live bands but the income needed to support that is not forthcoming.

You speak of meaninglessness and prurience, identity crisis and moral turpitude. You praise Legends like Fela Anikulakpo-Kuti and you ridicule us. 9ice does not drink or smoke. eLDee is married to one wife. Olu Maintain does not drink. Naeto C is currently obtaining his Masters’ degree in England. The ironic thing is, we look up to and praise your generation too. You seem to forget that Baba Fela had 27 wives, smoked marijuana in public, was himself half naked at shows (as well as the women around him) and allegedly died of HIV. However we look past what some may consider shortcomings and respect and emulate the immense contributions he made to our history. We are in awe of him despite personal choices that some may or may not agree with. All we are asking for is to be appreciated and afforded similar tolerances.

You danced to Shina Peters. Let us dance to our music. And for the record: for every "Anoti" by MI, he has a "Crowd Mentality" or a "Talk about it". For a Naeto C's "Ki Ni Big Deal", he has a "The Devil is a Liar". Just because an artiste uses a particular song to promote his album for commercial reasons, doesn't mean they should be judged on that alone. Anyone that is familiar with the cost of promoting an album (videos, press, etc) would know that it you end up making hard decisions in terms of what you have to push and promote, for your best chance at success. I suggest that you buy whole albums and look at the body of work. Listen to the entire CD’s. I think you'll find that more often than not, Nigerian artistes are doing a pretty good job of representing this great Country of Nigeria. Naija Till We Die. Yes Boss.

~ Banky W.

If you actually read this, congrats! If you didn't, you missed.
That's the story people, don't float.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Man Must Wack.

Please take time off work and have a good laugh. I am at work oh.
This is funny! Read on……
Did you hear about the Naija man who went looking for a job?

He noticed there was an opening at the local zoo. Upon inquiry, he discovered the zoo had a very unusual position that they wanted to fill. Apparently their gorilla had just died, and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for a few days. He was to just sit, eat, and sleep. Of course, his identity would be kept a secret, and no one would be the wiser, thanks to the very fine gorilla suit. The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man decided to do it. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla.

They led him to the cage before opening up the zoo to visitors, so he took a position at the back of the cage and pretended to sleep. But after a while, he got tired of sitting so he walked around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises. Some people watching him seemed to really like that. When he would move or jump around, they would clap and cheer and throw him peanuts. And the man loved peanuts.So he jumped around some more and tried climbing a tree. That seemed to really get the now growing crowd excited. They threw more peanuts. Playing to the crowd, he grabbed a vine and swung from one side of the cage to the other. The people loved it and threw more peanuts. "Wow! This is great," he thought. He swung higher and the crowd grew bigger. He continued to swing on the vine, getting higher and higher and then all of a sudden, the vine broke!

He was thrown up and out of his cage, landing inside the lion's cage that was next door.There was a huge lion less than ten feet away, and it looked very hungry. So the man in the gorilla suit panicked, started jumping up and down, screaming and yelling, "Help, help! Get me out of here! I'm not really a gorilla! I'm a man in a gorilla suit! HELP!"

The lion immediately pounced on the man, held him down and whispered fiercely into his ear, “NNAMDI, NO FEAR, NA ME CHIJIOKE! ABEG COOL DOWN! As you dey hala like this you want make dem sack 2 of us??

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Who would wear it better?

Hmmn, les dames are more likely to reason with me. In my last post, I wrote about how I paraded some clothes, including a skirt, for my mumcee and cousin to see. I was planning to wear the skirt later in the week and I was somewhat excited. You know that feeling you have when u're looking forward to "launch" a type of clothing you rarely wear.

This morning, I was brushing mes dents, a girl walked into the bathroom. Wearing what? The same skirt, I mean, same length, same pattern and same colour. I was like "really?" She was just "launching" her own also because the babe left the tag hanging behind. If not for my alert, she would have gone to the office like that. I was just looking at the skirt through the mirror. I began to think, "what if I had worn mine today and we met outside?". She lives across my hall and it's most likely that it is the same set of pple that wud see us. Hence, folks would start comparing in thier heads about who wore it better. I contemplated even dashing my cousin the skirt sef. But then, becos the other babe has the same skirt should not stop me from wearing mine. Rather, I have to wear mine at least presentably. Better still, I would wear it in a different style.

PS: That's why I don't like buying some stuffs from popular stores, e.g Forever 21. It was my friend that led me to it oh. Now, I have to challenge myself to avoiding what i really do not like doing.

oh well!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

i fear this kain preservation skills

I just videochatted with my mumcee and cousin via skype. it was almost 2hrs long. most of the gist still had loose ends, after talking about nothing to everything. so, i showed them the stuffs i got yday and the very affordable prices of yankee stuffs compared to europe's. i cud perceive the jealousy. my cousin felt like passing thru the lappie's screen to grab one dress that i modeled for them.

after rotating my lappie for them to see everything in my room upon their request, they still criticized my numerous displayed cereal packs. they don't know what I go thru with the early mormor's lack of time and hunger before work. in return, i requested that they show me the setting of our living room and nearby areas. nothing had changed from the way i set during winter break.

so last winter brk, i saw 3 tubers of yam in the attic. i had to climb all the way upstairs yo reach them. i asked mumcee why and she complained abt the harsh weather. i relocated the tubers to the fireplace. i know that's awkward but no one uses the fire ish and it was empty. back to the vidchat when they were showing me round our house, i saw an empty fireplace.

"ahan! u guys dont eat yam again! the fireplace is empty" I asked.

"oh! they are in the freezer," my mum replied sharply.

I was like, "for reals!"

who does that? tubers of yam in freezer! when i go home, i have to check those tubers out cos i don't get. well, my mumcee and her preservation skills ehn!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

oh well, i am back from that "one kind shopping"

thanx to all who stopped by my blog, dropped encouraging comments and have begun to follow me. mehn! who said blogger is a joke. seems like another world to me. blogotopia, i have to drop by pple's houses, ie blogs, to greet them, ie drop comments.

today, i planned with my friend to go shopping for groceries. trust afro babes, we used the bus. as we approached the shopping complex, it hit us that Marshalls had a store beside Stop&Shop's. we were like "Marshalls, marshalls, shoes, clothes"

we ended up spending 2hrs in Marshall and had one hr left for the more important stuff, groceries. after shopping, we ended up with a full trolley of stuffs, ranging from mango to towel. thanx to the difference of our debit cards' balance. ok now! let's enter the bus, the female driver started fronting that we had too much stuff. i mean we had 4 or 5 bags each. maybe it's too much sha. but is it really her bizwaps? she said no oh. one other lady offered a ride, we were glad but the 2 mean-looking dogs in her back seat decided for us. i like but cant stand dogs. for reals! neither can my friend. we passed the opportunity decided to use a cart to roll our stuffs back to skul. it was my friend that suggested this alternative oh and i was kul with it. the funny thing was that she wanted me to push out the cart out of the complex so i wud be responsible. i dint agree oh and we started arguing, more like tryna use each other's brain.

we were still trying to gain liver when we saw two guys, who go to the same skul with us, roll a cart out of the complex. still, i wasnt kul with the idea of rolling a cart to skul cos its kinda hilly. one lady that works in the skul cafeteria drove by and parked. imagine! this lady talked and talked and didnt offer to drop us at skul. waste of time.

then, a taxi driver asked if we needed a ride. we said "yes" but we dont have money. that's the truth sha but a glance at our recently acquired items wud hint otherwise. i mean, the bus ride is just $1.25 compared to the taxi fare. he drove away and came back. this time, he offered $8. i was like "really?" we got in. midway, i realised i dint have cash as usual. i had only $4. we told him oh. i am sure, he tot we played a fast one on him cos the ride was illegal and he wanted to just cut $8 to his own pocket. thus, i cudnt swipe my card. he sha ended up carrying us for free. thank God oh!

who knows? if it were a hot-tempered driver, he cud have mishandled us oh.

anyhoos, i just finished making my sweetass .smoothie. i am addicted to the drink oh, thank God it is healthful.

Friday, June 12, 2009

the traditional "thank you"

there is one compliment i receive so often, "you look so cute."
sometimes specifically, "i like your bangle(this or that)".
i dunno but whenever i am complimented, i do not reply with the traditional "thank you." i usually say "oh" and something else, not even in connection with the compliment.

for example, this morning, my co-intern, complimented my skirt and i was just like "oh! i wanna go to the kitchen to do something." after leaving the scene, i felt bad that i dint even appreciate the compliment. after all the times that mumcee has scolded me to say "thank you" when i receive a gift, i still can not say it after a compliment. well, i appreciate everything given to me by saying more than "thank you"' sef apart from compliments. my shyness overtakes my response.

i walked into my office this morning, thought about this not-so-cool rxn of mine and narrowed it down to my shyness. for reals! i dunno why this shyness is now creeping out oh. i am usually the bold one amongst my friends but a single compliment, from someone who is not my close friend, makes me annoyingly self-conscious.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

hahaha, lwkm!

sometime last yr, i tot my mumcee how to navigate her yahoomail. yes, it's a good thing but the woman browses more than me now sef. scratch that! she cant beat my average of 8hrs/day. anyhoos, her colleague, maybe he too just discovered the joy of emailing, sends mumcee yeye mails everyday. they are not dat yeye sha. most are quite useful. my mumcee forwards some to people. she is cool like that.

below is one of the mails. not all are like this, actually this is one of her first jokes.

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.

> > MAN: "What was that for?"
> > WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Barbara Ann written on it?"
> > MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Barbara Ann was the name of one of thehorses I bet on."
The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes, and goes off do work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.

>>MAN: "What the heck was that for this time?"
>>WIFE:> "Your horse called."

haha, how can a man give his *cough* business partner his home phone. men like this deserve harsh wives like 'WIFE". it's not good to cheat oh!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009



i know u may be thinking wtf is ze typing? hehee, i am blogging.

yinkuslolo is a....call me girl, lady. i fit into the 'sisi' category.

who names hir blog 'yinkuslolo'? i do. yes, u can guess the 'yinkus' part, what about the 'lolo' suffix?

i grew up amongst other kids, mostly in an older age group. i was teased a lot. now that i am quite grown, my cousins tell me stories about how they cheated me. examples of scenarios include my okin biscuit episodes. oh okin! the circular biscuits, my faves. they would take one piece from the pack and break it into ten little pieces, give me the lil pieces and take the remaining whole 3 pieces from me. well, with a kid's mentality, i tot the little ten pieces were more than the larger three pieces. i never noticed because they sang a song, titled 'yinkuslolo', for me. the name kinda stuck. my cuz still calls me that. so there goes the history of yinkuslolo.

did i just deflower this blog?